A Near Miss Story to Tell

I'm riding my bike down a three-lane road (three lanes, each direction) in town today ... two malls, movie theaters ... Toys R Us ... fast food and other restaurants on either side of the road.

I notice this old Volvo ... maybe early 80s ... one of the old squared-off ones ... green Vermont license plate. At one light, I even thought about pulling up alongside and asking the driver , "The leaves are all turned, so you decided to come to Florida?"

Turns out, I should have, so that the driver would know a motorcyclist was nearby.

So, I see this Vermont plate, and I'm thinking about the time about four years ago, when I went to Vermont to see Karin while she was in school up there. Beautiful contryside. I took her to school every day, picked her up ... we did what we wanted to. It was October. The leaves were turning colors, and I was seeing for the first time, such beauty I'd only seen in pictures.

All these thoughts are running through my mind. I'm near this guy driving the Volvo ... I can tell he's looking for something ... for about two miles, he's in the far right lane, and I'm in the far left lane. Suddenly, he pulls across all three lanes, right in front of me to do a U-turn.

Traffic is moving 35 - 40 mph, but I already had my eye on this guy, and noticed he was looking around for something. I didn't expect him to do what he did, though ... but ... that's how it goes -- EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED when you are riding your motorcycle.

So, I continue down to the next light, go around the block, looking for this knucklehead. I have time ... it's 2 p.m. and I have to pick up the kids at school at 3.

I find him. He's getting measured for a suit in one of those Mens Only-type places. I stand by ... observing him talking to and elderly salesman, who then begins to measure him. I'm sizing him up myself. He's a nice young kid, mid-twenties ... has a young girl with him too. He seemed to be a young man any father or big brother would be proud of.

So, I walk over to him after a few minutes, and say, "Excuse me. Are you driving the Volvo outside from Vermont?"

He says, "Yes, sir," and he's smiling nicely. All Ivey League and everything. I get out my new cell phone that arrived Monday. I open it, and there's a self-portrait picture of Leah (my daughter) as the wallpaper. I say, "I just want to show you my little daughter. She's 8. She gets out of school at 3. I almost couldn't get her because of that three-lane, lane change you did, and the u-turn you did right in front of me."

He quickly says, "I'm sorry, sir ... I didn't see you."

I say, "Well ... there probably aren't a lot of motorcycles in Vermont. Especially not this time of year. But, there are a LOT of motorcycles here in Florida. There are motorcycles everywhere in Florida.

"I don't know how you didn't see me," I continue. "I saw you way down by the highway -- that green Vermont tag. I followed nearby you all the way until you did that U-turn."

He says he's very sorry for not seeing me. I'm being nice to him ... not angry, or belittling him. I'm being as nice to him as he's being with me. So ... I say, "Next time you pass up the place you are trying to find ... instead of doing a sudden U-turn like that ... please just remember to go down the block to the next light and go around the block -- like I did to find you."

He says, "I really am sorry for not seeing you."

"It's O.K.," I say. "Just be on the lookout for motorcycles everywhere you go, OK?"

"I'll remember that for now on. Thank you."

I turn and walk out of the store. I'm glad I took the approach I decided upon, instead of coming off like some crazed, lunatic biker. I've seen a few bikers act that way.

It took me a while to find this guy. I went around the damned block about three times. I went too far at first, but figured he had to be close by to make such a quick U-turn.

When he made his U-turn, he pointed across the road to show his girlfriend the place he'd just missed ... his pointing gave me about a half-second warning -- I was able to slow way down quick-like, and I blew my horn at him.

That's my near miss story. I don't like telling too many stories like this one.

Gene Simmons on Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice"

I've always been a fan of Donald Trump's show, "The Apprentice."

This season, he has "Celebrity Apprentice."

During Episode Two a few weeks ago, Gene Simmons, of the rock band KISS, was project manager. If you are familiar with the show,then you know Ivanka Trump (Donald's "Right Hand") walks in on each team to see how they are doing. When she walks in on Gene's team, Gene says, "She'll wait." I mean ... he really handed it to her.

When Ivanka is taken aback by what Gene Simmons says, he THEN adds on top of it, "You are just going to go to the women's team and tell them what we're doing," or something to that effect.

Ivanka Trump -- you can see she is just pissed. But this is Gene Simmons: legendary rock star bass guitarist; businessman; actor; and blood-spitting, fire-breathing, tounge-wagging hell-of-a-man. Ivanka doesn't know WHAT to do or say.

So, in the board room at the end of the show, Ivanka brings it up to Gene that she felt insulted. Gene ... removing his sunglasses ... simply says, "You are absolutely right. I sincerely apologize for any shortsightedness I might have had."

Ivanka -- who I swear was looking for a board room confrontation -- has no choice, but to say, "Thanks ... I appreciate that."

What in hell else could she say? That was the end of it. Gene didn't allow it to go on.

So, Gene puts his sunglasses back on, just as cool as he removed them to look Ivanka in the eye. He didn't give a good damn about whether or not he offended Ivanka Trump. "The Donald" just took it all in stride, like it wasn't a big deal.

It was killing me.

Gene Simmons is a tribute to womanizers the world over.